Sometimes I like to imagine that if my sister were still with us, she would be a Supernatural fangirl like myself. There are so many things I wish I could have exposed her to. She was 11 when she died and already a partial badass. Her favorite musicians were NSYNC and Ozzy. I have said before one of the reasons I love Supernatural is the sibling dynamic. Dean and Sam are the same age difference as myself and Chelsi and if the way things were going she was going to be taller than me too. And don’t even get me started on her ridiculous long hair.

But I digress. I was deprived the cool older sister experience. I was 15 when it happened so we were at that age where I wanted nothing to do with her and her baby stuff, I was a too cool for school high school freshman and had no time for that. I wanted to be the one to teach her how to put makeup on and to braid hair. I wanted to be the big sister she’d threaten people with.

I’ve had dreams of her still being alive and with me at a Convention, her dressed as Sam and me as Dean. She liked old classic cars and we borrowed one to drive there listening to Metallica and Ozzy. It’s been 12 years and there are still scenes within the show the hit me really hard.

I usually don’t write personal entries like this because no one on here really knows me (with the exception of like 3 people) and it always goes ignored. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently.